FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

OMAHA, April 1, 2022 – Millard United Sports announces today that it has expanded its youth sports portfolio by launching a new thumb wrestling organization. The new organization will feature 20 thumb wrestling teams where individual players will face-off to pin down their opponents’ thumbs. The regular season will culminate in a “Thumb War” tournament to name the “Ultimate Thumb”. Try outs begin today, April 1, 2022, and are expected to be competitive.

“Our mission at Millard United Sports is to change lives for kids in our communities, and what better way to do that than with thumb wrestling?” said Mitch Kampbell, Chairman, MUS.

“Thumb wrestling has long been a popular playground sport, and we want to bring that level of fun and enthusiasm to the local youth,” said Jeff LaDent, General Manager. “It is our goal to make Omaha, Nebraska the unofficial thumb wrestling headquarters in the world!”

The game, which is typically initiated with both players uttering the rhyme “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war” will be extended to include “Five, six, seven, eight, open up your thumb gate,” per International Committee recommendations. 

Several local families declined to comment, but one family, who wishes to remain anonymous gave the decision “two thumbs up”!

Today’s announcement is the culmination of six minutes of hard work, and absolutely zero insight into the current demographic market.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

If you have read this far, congratulations for sticking with us.

But – April Fool’s!

Millard United will NOT be starting thumb wrestling any time soon. Instead, we will continue to be “the place to play” for baseball, softball, football, and cheer. No word yet though on rock-paper-scissors.